She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
