Fine. I'll sleep in my office
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
