Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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