Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
