her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
