the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
