the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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