Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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