Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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