We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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