I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
