he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
