i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
