Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
