There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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