im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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