we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
