everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
