he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
