The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
