Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mouth tastes like poor choices
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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