I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
