Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
