if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
