Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
