He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
