i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
