Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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