If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
