i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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