Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
