Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
