my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think i have herpe
just one?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
