Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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