he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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