all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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