i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
