lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
