You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this will be a night to untag.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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