Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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