just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
