At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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