Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
