i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
