highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
