Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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