God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
