God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
