Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
