Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your face is a jimmy john
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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