Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
